You Put Your Weed In It
You Put Your Weed In It
Customer #1…..David Spade
Customer #2…..Ellen Cleghorne
Customer #3…..Chris Farley
[ open on interior, Out of Africa primitive art store ]
Shopkeeper: Hey, may I help you?
Customer #1: Yeah. This is kind of neat, what is it?
Shopkeeper: Oh, that’s from New Guinea. It’s a ceremonial spirit box.
Customer #1: Wow, that’s cool. What do you do with it?
Shopkeeper: You put your weed in there!
Customer #1: Oh. Thank you.
Customer #2: This is neat, is this from South America?
Shopkeeper: You bet. That’s a Yanamano ancestral rattle from Brazil. It’s carved from deer bone, they only make one every seven years, it’s really rare.
Customer #2: What do they use it for?
Shopkeeper: You put your weed in here!
Customer #2: O-kay..
Shopkeeper: No problem.
Customer #3: Where’s this from?
Shopkeeper: Oh, it’s from Borneo. It’s for a Zuluesque puberty ritual. It symbolizes the journey into adulthood.
Customer #3: Really?
Shopkeeper: Yeah. And you can put your weed in here!
Customer #3: So, this has actually been used in puberty rituals?
Shopkeeper: Yeah. And you put your weed in there!
Customer #3: Thanks.
Shopkeeper: No problem.
Customer #1: [ holding artifact ] Hey, uh, excuse me..
Shopkeeper: Oh, this is great! You put your weed in here! Awesome.
Customer #1: Actually, I’m looking for a gift for my mother. Is there anything in here that doesn’t involve weed?
Shopkeeper: [ thinks ] Well.. you can give her this. [ pulls out drum ] It’s a Senegalese talking drum. Only the Head Shayman of Senegal is allowed to use it.
Customer #1: Wow.. that’d be great, she might like something like that.
Shopkeeper: You know what I’d do if I bought it? I’d put my weed in there! Right in there. [ puts it down ] Oh, wait.. I’ve got something else.
Customer #1: Ah.
Shopkeeper: This is a Javanese rain stick. Yeah, it’s for a fertility dance. You can put it in your apartment and hang a plant from it.
Customer #1: That’d be cool, she has a lot of plants. That might be good.
Shopkeeper: You sure she doesn’t like weed?
Customer #1: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
Shopkeeper: It’s too bad, because it goes right in here. This part unscrews, it’s really great!
[ Cop enters the shop ]
Cop: Hey. Is that your Volkswagon van parked out front?
Shopkeeper: Look, man, there’s nothing in here that you could put weed into!
Cop: I just wanted to tell you that you left your lights on. I turned them off for you.
Shopkeeper: Okay, maybe there’s some things in here that you put tobacco into, or incense or spices into, but definitely not weed!
Cop: What the hell are you talking about?
Shopkeeper: Okay. I guess, if this opened up, you could put weed in it, but I can’t get it open. [ Cop opens it ] It’s not like there’s weed in there!
Cop: [ holds up the weed ] What is this?
Cop: You’re under arrest!
Shopkeeper: Alright, but don’t bother checking the store! Because there’s no weed in that, and there’s no weed in that, and there’s no weed in that!
Cop: Well, you can talk about it down at the station.
Shopkeeper: Don’t bother checking the back of the store – no wee-ee-eed!
[ Cop pulls Shopkeeper outside ]
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Author: Don Roy King
Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway’s Romeo & Juliet in 2013. – LinkedIn View all posts by Don Roy KingYou Put Your Weed In It You Put Your Weed In It Shopkeeper…..Rob Schneider Customer #1…..David Spade Customer #2…..Ellen Cleghorne Customer #3…..Chris Farley Cop…..Charles Barkley [
Is Your Stash Bone-Dry? Rehydrate Your Cannabis Buds!
Have you ever seen a bud crumble to a powder when rolling a joint? Learn how to rehydrate your weed stash in record time with our three simple methods.
One of the worst things that can happen to your weed stash is to let it go bone-dry. If that’s happened to you, don’t worry, your buds aren’t helpless! With a little know-how, it’s possible to rehydrate cannabis using a few simple techniques.
Some of them may even bring in new flavours, while others can quickly destroy your stash if done recklessly. Nevertheless, your pot will never be exactly as it was before, but you can help restore it to its (nearly) former glory.
THE BEST METHOD OF ALL – PREVENTION
The two most common reasons weed gets dry beyond its optimal point are overdrying after harvest and inadequate storage.
Cannabis dries from the outside in. The outer leaves may seem dry, but the inner bud and stems might still hold considerable amounts of water. Therefore, it is common for growers to judge dryness by using the stem-snapping trick.
When you cut down your weed to dry, soon after, the stems lose a lot of their rigidity and stiffness. If you handle a stem, it will bend without snapping. As such, the general rule of thumb is, when you can snap a bud’s stem clean in half, it is sufficiently dry. If the stem still bends, it needs more time. While this trick works great for the more experienced, it is by no means the most scientific method.
In moderate climates with average humidity, expect a slow and even drying period. In arid climates, however, it’s essential to keep a humidifier close by.
Humidity Control Pack
USE HUMIDITY CONTROL PACKS TO MAINTAIN PERFECT MOISTURE LEVELS
After a final trim, buds should be placed in an airtight container to cure. Unfortunately, weed will continue to exchange water with the surrounding air, so, unless you look after them, your prized buds will end up bone-dry. Fortunately, one of the easiest ways to maintain the perfect environment for weed is with a moisture pack.
Not only do these nifty little packs work with harvests big and small, but the silicone gel inside takes over the job of exchanging moisture with the air around your buds. The result is a perfectly maintained relative humidity of 58–65%—the sweet spot for curing.
TOO LATE, MY WEED IS BONE DRY – WHAT TO DO NOW?
Fortunately, in the same way cannabis can release water into the air, it can also suck water molecules back into the bud.
The solution is relatively simple. All you need is an airtight container (again!), or something very close. In this remedial situation, being airtight is not essential to success. But after rehydration and for long-term storage, airtight containers are indeed necessary.
The general idea is to increase the relative humidity inside the container to create a microclimate. Water molecules will disperse from high concentration zones to lower concentration zones until it has evened out.
There are several ways to achieve this—some you can even do regardless of excessive dryness. All these methods are slight variations on one another (except for the super express methods described below), but they do have their nuances.
3 WAYS TO REHYDRATE YOUR WEED
BREAD SLICE, LETTUCE, OR DAMP PAPER TOWEL METHOD
This is a non-flavour-adding technique. Grab a slice of bread and moisten it (don’t soak it). Alternatively, lettuce leaves work great too. A damp paper towel can also be used, though beware of excessive water content.
Place it on top of the weed in a thick plastic or Ziploc bag, close it tight, and let it sit for an hour or two. When the time has elapsed, check your weed and move it around a little. Check the lettuce, bread, or towel for how much drier it is. This is a clear indication of the amount of water retained by the buds.
Depending on the size of your stash, you may need to repeat this a couple of times. The trick is to not rush it. For instance, do not excessively moisten the bread or leave the same lettuce leaf in there for too long. This could lead to the formation of mould, which could transfer onto the buds.
Inspect thoroughly, and when satisfied, move the weed to a proper airtight container for prolonged storage.
FRUIT PEEL METHOD
This trick adds a little fun factor and is great for experimentation. You can use several types of fruit peels and herbs to rehydrate your weed, in precisely the same way as described above. The difference is that there will also be a transference of taste and smell.
The most commonly used fruits are oranges and limes, as they are very useful in rehydrating your buds, but also lend their citrusy flavour to the weed. They should not be used for long-term storage and curing, as they could cause mould or bud rot. Daily close inspection is needed to avoid any sort of fungal outbreak. Simply substituting the peel every couple of days will ensure the added taste lingers.
Banana peels are also quite popular. Quicker in action too, but they also rot much quicker. Some people swear it makes the weed more potent, though there is no concrete evidence to support this. Apple peels do not transfer their taste quite as effectively, but they do release moisture slowly and consistently, which is great for even rehydration.
Regardless of your chosen fruit, the trick is to leave the peels with your buds for several hours. It can take anywhere from a few hours to a day until the buds are in good, smokable shape.
You can also add in things like mint, cilantro, rosemary, thyme, or any other fragrance-rich cooking herb. Not only will they work for rehydration, but they’ll also add a zing to your smoke.
HOT VAPOR METHOD
If you are in a hurry and cannot afford to wait that long, there is a way to speed up the procedure. But a big warning; you run the risk of cooking your weed or rendering it too soggy to smoke.
Grab a large pot, fill it with water, and bring to a boil. Once the water’s boiled, take the pot off the heat and place it on a safe surface. Next, cover the pot with a study cloth or piece of fabric, and secure it around the rim of the pot, making sure not to burn yourself (use oven mitts!).
Now, place your weed on top of the cloth, and let evaporation do the rest. The hot vapor will pass through the cloth and the buds, providing maximum hydration in record time.
Be sure to turn the buds regularly to distribute the vapor evenly. After 30 minutes to an hour, your buds should be ready to use!Smoking overly dry weed is very harsh and unpleasant. Here are some simple tricks to rehydrate your buds in no time. ]]>